The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
