I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My penis needs a shock collar
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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