when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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