JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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