Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though