Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay so I just had a really great idea