please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now