He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho