Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating