were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
