Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
