i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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