my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
