Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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