Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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