i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
