I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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