we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
