the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish I only lived at night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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