I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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