i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
