then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
