He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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