well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
