i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
