I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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