dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
