I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
