it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
