I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i have two assholes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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