Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
