I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
