he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
