I cockslap morals
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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