Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
