so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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