There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
