well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
