road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
