You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
