Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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