ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
