a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.