I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..