Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay

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  (910): Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay http://tfl.nu/jut6
  Replies (36) Good night (817) Bad night (3411)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.

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  (734): Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea. http://tfl.nu/2hiy
  Replies (18) Good night (899) Bad night (4960)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
  Replies (39) Good night (695) Bad night (9564)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (26332) Bad night (4776)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

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  (856): I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster. http://tfl.nu/w6xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3305) Bad night (858)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.

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  (419): Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night. http://tfl.nu/v4wy
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (2280)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten

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  (406): he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten http://tfl.nu/sl88
  Replies (9) Good night (3430) Bad night (1860)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (5311) Bad night (1150)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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  (+44): i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down http://tfl.nu/7vyc
  Replies (4) Good night (2841) Bad night (778)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.

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  (615): He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk. http://tfl.nu/adyj
  Replies (4) Good night (2521) Bad night (928)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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  (217): I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them http://tfl.nu/sgxd
  Replies (5) Good night (2127) Bad night (949)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.

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  (772): I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do. http://tfl.nu/7vxu
  Replies (23) Good night (2868) Bad night (773)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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  (413): Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories http://tfl.nu/hc8i
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (406)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I was told my cock was a religious experience.

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  (913): I was told my cock was a religious experience. http://tfl.nu/13mw
  Replies (6) Good night (2004) Bad night (617)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Campus is too small for this to keep happening

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  (617): She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud. (802): Campus is too small for this to keep happening http://tfl.nu/z6hi
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (374)

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