im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
