Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.

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  (303): dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party. http://tfl.nu/thh9
  Replies (9) Good night (2382) Bad night (800)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

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  (617): So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus? http://tfl.nu/bsxq
  Replies (19) Good night (1187) Bad night (5646)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (31597) Bad night (1125)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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  (514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme
  Replies (3) Good night (1094) Bad night (2973)
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  (707): View more from California

  You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?

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  (707): You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis? http://tfl.nu/earc
  Replies (7) Good night (2202) Bad night (618)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted

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  (785): totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted http://tfl.nu/rzdq
  Replies (2) Good night (3374) Bad night (738)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights

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  (518): I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights http://tfl.nu/wcuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1460) Bad night (564)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.

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  (281): I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever. http://tfl.nu/j15t
  Replies (5) Good night (2037) Bad night (582)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.

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  (902): Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst. http://tfl.nu/a5qa
  Replies (3) Good night (2179) Bad night (653)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"

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  (425): Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?" http://tfl.nu/b210
  Replies (5) Good night (1194) Bad night (473)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day

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  (613): How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day http://tfl.nu/h9s2
  Replies (1) Good night (778) Bad night (259)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|

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  (570): He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =| http://tfl.nu/59tx
  Replies (5) Good night (303) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY

  (618): View more from Illinois

  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  The D is nonnegotable.

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  (952): FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY (618): CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3? (952): The D is nonnegotable. http://tfl.nu/i957
  Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (312)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible

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  (518): Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible http://tfl.nu/sefo
  Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though

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  (757): the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though http://tfl.nu/2nyf
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (259)

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