Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont. http://tfl.nu/mow4
  Replies (52) Good night (586) Bad night (4064)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6285) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon? http://tfl.nu/jffu
  Replies (9) Good night (4394) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer http://tfl.nu/pfui
  Replies (16) Good night (5573) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8211) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th. http://tfl.nu/t8ll
  Replies (24) Good night (1240) Bad night (4572)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake http://tfl.nu/tx6v
  Replies (10) Good night (1902) Bad night (1613)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. http://tfl.nu/90tm
  Replies (18) Good night (1105) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING http://tfl.nu/y31l
  Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/enk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2009) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty
  Replies (8) Good night (2976) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1167) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/inpn
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry. http://tfl.nu/esf2
  Replies (2) Good night (1079) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I wanted to have tiny guns for tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers (506): I wanted to have tiny guns for tits http://tfl.nu/ic3h
  Replies (0) Good night (440) Bad night (154)

Randomize