I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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