He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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