i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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