I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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