3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was born a porn star she said
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
