just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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