maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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