I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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