so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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