Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Farmville is her only friend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
