You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
