I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
