I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
