Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
