well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
