I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
