the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize