You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
