if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you never un-have a 4some
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm really busy with my period
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