i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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