Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
