I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
