so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
