i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
