My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
