I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
