what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
