Sry I called you an 8
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
