I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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