he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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