is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
