Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So much rum. So many feels.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
