i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
