my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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